January 21, 2016

Hey, 30 year old...

So I'm sitting here waiting for paint to dry...literally, waiting.
I start flipping thru Flipboard.

I read that a thirty something woman has beef with us fifty something women wearing items she has deemed off limits to us.
I must investigate.

It seems there are some young'uns out there trying to tell me
what I can and can't wear.
You know, since at 53 I am a clueless old hag.
Little girl...let me clue you in on a few things.

My beloved Uggs?
You will never get my Uggs.  Go ahead and try, I dare you.
My feet are COLD!    Uggs are warm and cozy.  I LOVE Uggs.
You think they're ugly?
Shhhh, who cares?

Shiny, sparkley pants. Yes, I said sparkley pants.
I would totally wear some charcoal sparkle pants with a dreamy 
soft gray oversized sweater and some sexy heels.
Party pants.  For a party.
I'm not dead yet!

Kitten heels.
Are you out of your mind?
Kitten heels are classy and sexy.  You'll learn that when you grow up.
Those 4 inch heels with lacey ankle socks that I wore dancing in my 20's?
The 4 inch sandals, the 3 inch peau de soie sling backs-
I was almost crippled by those things!
Kitten heels are a must for us old timers.

No clothing that requires going bra-less?
I am motivated to wear anything that involves me going bra- less!

Tulle skirts? Gah!  What would I wear during the blizzard?

Hoop earrings???  They will always be a wardrobe staple with me.
Classics never die.

Leopard/animal print?

My child, animal prints are a neutral.
While I won't be sporting leopard pants, I love my animal print loafers,
driving mocs, scarves, cardigans, purses and trench coat. 

Not to be worn all at once, ladies.
Unless you are also wearing a faux antler headband draped in glittery ornaments
and dancing around the Christmas tree with a lifesize Ken doll.
Like a nut.

Then and only then is this acceptable.
(Kirby, I'm talking to you.
While I have no evidence that you do indeed engage in this tree dance,
I'll be heartbroken if you don't!)

Ok, so rant over. 

Learn from us, youngsters.

We aren't going down just yet.


Click here if you don't understand the reference:
Kathy Bates/Fried Green Tomatoes

That's right, we're older and we have more insurance.
In case we fall off of our kitten heels.

Carry on, ladies.