June 27, 2012

Sweet Pea

I began making this pillow about 5 years ago.
Around that time, I suffered a terrible event in my life and 
I couldn't bear to finish it.

For the last 5 years, 
this pillow has been inside the closet a lot.
I wanted to be able to enjoy it and feel the happiness again.
Instead, there was only anxiety and sadness each time I looked at it.

It's only now that I think I can leave it out in my home without
feeling the emotions that are so strongly attached to it.

It's just a pillow.
Silk and thread and feathers.
But it's got a heartbeat...my heartbeat.
It held my anger.
It held my tears.
It held my pain.
It held the paddle that I used to 
paddle upstream with all my might.
Until at last, exhausted...
I gave up the paddle and let the water slowly turn me around
and take me where I needed to go.

Have I arrived at my final destination?
 Do we ever?
I don't think so.
Not here on earth, anyway.

We just keep on coming home.

***Linking up to the parties in the sidebar***


  1. tina, this is really heartfelt and raw. i'm sorry for whatever pain you felt then - with shadows of it now.

    i think we all struggle with paddling to what we think is the right destination. only time will tell...

  2. Oh, you just brought me to tears ....

    Thank you for sharing your pillow and your beautiful story at Pillowpalooza ...



  3. Beautiful Tina-written from your heart, and told with emotion. Even being unsure of the exact details of the cause of your pain, I as still able to relate.
    Beautiful, wonderful post.

  4. Tina- I so understand- I don't know the exact pain you went through but I do understand that deep-heart wrenching event that alters our life forever. I have walked in your shoes. It is hard to move forward sometimes, isn't it? Blessings to you,my sweet friend- xo Diana

  5. I'm sorry for whatever caused you so much pain and only hope you are in a happier place today.

  6. Tina, this is such a beautiful and poignant post. I hope your heartbreak has lessened.

  7. Hi Tina,
    I can only think of a few events that can cause so much pain - and I'm so sorry you suffered one of them. I'm glad you're moving forward, since that's really a good thing to do - find a new normal. You must be made of very strong stuff. I pray you know that.
    Wishing you every blessing,

  8. No matter the cause of your pain, it wouldn't be so intense and raw if there was not a lot of good & happiness that occurred before it. I hope when you look at this beautiful pillow that you remember all that good and happiness!

  9. Tina, I hope that you will again feel the love that prompted you to make that pillow initially. I hope there are some precious memories the pillow will allow you to remember. We all cherish something concrete that holds our deepest sorrows and highest joys. This must be yours.

  10. So sorry you had to endure something that cause you to stop in your tracks. But glad to see that you are moving in a place of healing. Sometimes those roads seem so long but know that you are now stronger.

  11. Tina, thanks so much for sharing a very private moment with us....we are all here to learn and care for each other....hopefully you have been able to work through some of the pain.

  12. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this and I sincerely hope that your pain is eased with each passing day and with each glance at the pillow that you have put so much of yourself into.

  13. I like the idea of letting go of the paddle and seeing where the water takes you!


  14. What a precious pillow and touching story. I appreciate how heartfelt this post is. I'm glad you're in a place that you can take the pillow out of the closet and enjoy it in your home. But if there are days that you put it back in the closet, that's okay. ;)

    Sharon @ mrs. hines class

  15. This is beautifully written. That's a pretty pillow! I'm so sorry to hear you experienced such hurt and pain.
    Thank you for your sweet comment on my son's birthday post.
    I hope you're having a pleasant week!

  16. Tina, It's a beautiful pillow and a very touching post. I hope you are on the mend.

  17. Beautifully written and embroidered with inner strength.

  18. How does it make you feel now? Does it remind you how strong and beautiful you are? Has the sorrow associated with it turned into something else? Can you see it and remember the joy before the pain?


Thanks for taking the time to leave me your thoughts. I appreciate each and every one!