December 30, 2013

Upside Down

I had a post ready for today that was silly and fun. 
I've changed my mind because my heart has led me in another direction.

 I simply want to say to all of you that are struggling 
with life's challenges and detours and just outright crap-
It's all going to be okay.

I recognize that some of you won't believe that.

Some of you might think that it's easy for me to say.

You'd be wrong.
It's not easy for me to say at all. 
A few years ago I didn't think anything would ever be okay again.
Some days I look back at everything that happened and am stunned 
that I'm still existing, much less truly living.

It was incredibly difficult to accept that I had no control when our world flipped upside down.

But flipped again.
And again.

Yes, I was pretty banged up.
Some days I felt alone and lost and swallowed up by a big cloud of crippling anxiety.
Me?  Not functioning?  I'm the fixer.
I fix everything.
But life had other plans for me.

I had to learn to let go.
I needed to let go of so many things.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
It is also the best thing I have ever done.

We love the quotes on Pinterest, don't we?  
The quotes about strength and fortitude and overcoming it all.
Some are cliche and some hit home in a way that may change us forever.
They cause us to sigh and say " Yes!  That's it!"  
Someone else feels it, too.
Someone else made it out alive.
Maybe I can, too.

Yes, you can.  You really can.

One of my oldest and dearest friends told me that my one and only job for the day was to be happy.

How is that even possible when I am barely breathing?

I'm so glad that I listened.  I'm so glad that he didn't get tired of repeating himself.

It's not our job to be responsible for anothers happiness.

It had been my job forever.
It had never occurred to me that I had a choice in the matter.

Are there people in your life that thrive on chaos?
Let them thrive there.
You needn't join them.
Love them and wish them well, but close the door on what doesn't work in your life.
It's okay to be happy when others aren't.
It's okay to want calm and peace in your life.
We aren't responsible for their happiness, calm or peace.
We never succeeded anyway, did we?
No matter what it cost us, it was never enough.

It doesn't make you hard or unkind to care for yourself.

I wish someone had told me that thirty years ago.

One of my favorite books is The Book of Awakening.
Some of you have read it, some of you will roll your eyes and think "ugh, not that crap!".
But isn't that the wonderful thing about books or blogs or teachers?
We can reject what we want and embrace the things that we connect to.
Common ground.
An experience shared.
A life changed.
The author, Mark Nepo says that
"Pain is often a sign that something has to change."

For the new year, I wish you all the courage to change the things that pain you.
That little light inside you?  Break the damn dimmer and light it up all the way.

It's your time.  It's my time.  It's our time.

As Pink sings...
We're not broken, just bent.
And aren't those the things we love the most?
Bent. Tarnished. Tattered.
And oh, so loved.

I'm so glad to have connected with so many of you who share a passion.
A passion for rebuilding, re-mending, or accepting the bent and beat up wonders 
for the lovely things they are.
I'd like to think that I belong in that group of wonders and that you do, too.
We are all lovely.
Tatters and all.


  1. a very sweet and deeply felt post, tina. thank you.

  2. A beautiful post Tina. Somebody out there is going to read this today and not feel so alone in their struggles. I hope you had a Merry Christmas, and I wish you and your family a Happy New Year!

  3. Tina,
    everything you wrote is going to touch and help someone, somewhere! Very inspiring, perfect for the New Year to come!
    Happy New Year,

  4. beautifully written, tina! wishing 2014 to be your best year yet:)

  5. Yup. I'm a little tattered and somewhat worn, but in a good way.

  6. Tina !!!! love your post so true words !!!...enjoy the last day of this year darling......may 2014 will be your year follow the light Ria...x !

  7. Perfect post for me so I send you huge thanks! I feel that I have surrendered and just want peace. I want a much better 2014 'cause this year has been pure hell!

    Wishing you the best year yet ~

  8. Bookmarked labeled 'cool words'. Thanks Tina and I wish you a very happy 2014:@)

  9. as usual you had me thinking and feeling....Happy New Year my friend!

  10. It did my heart good to read this, Tina. You have so much wisdom here, and I can say with joy that I have learned some of these lessons, too--like you, the hard way. We don't accept some lessons any other way, do we? I have had to let go of a lot of things, including thinking that I can control others, things, events, etc. It is actually quite freeing (after the fear fades) to realize that we can't control everything, and that it IS OK to be happy. :-) Blessings to you in 2014. I look forward to reading more about the things that you find value in and decide to keep.

  11. One of the most beautiful posts I have ever read Tina. Love to you and wishes for an amazing New Year. xoxo

  12. What a beautiful and inspiring post, Tina. Thank you for being you!

  13. Tina, Tina, Tina...I can always count on you for words of wisdom. (it's how I met you, "nothing will happen"). You have no idea how many times I have said those words to myself since then. I'll be saying some of these new words too! Thank you my friend. Looking forward to 2014 and all that it brings...including you!

  14. You have no idea Tina - absolutely no idea how badly I needed to read this this morning - what an incredibly beautiful uplifting post - I feel better just having read it - Thanks so much for sharing this -
    And thank you Danni - for telling me about it.
    ( I'm living in the eye of the storm right now - quite literally )

  15. This is so correct on so many levels. I've learned to limit my time around things/places/people who are not bringing peace or joy to my life.

  16. Beautiful post Tina. So glad you are taking care of yourself. Have a wonderful new year.

  17. you are a remarkable inspiring glad I looked to find you friend!

  18. Tina, what strange and wonderful timing for me to read this. I have been (of course) absent from the blogging world. From writing AND reading. Not even logging in....then I logged in the other day, read one of Mariannes and commented, telling her I was slowly but surely coming back. Then today, in between getting appetizers ready for New Years Eve, I decided to log on and choose one blog to read. Clicked on yours, and so glad I did. Perfect words for how I am going to try and start my New Year. I am a people pleaser, and a worrier when people are not pleased{with me} My husband and family keep saying 'let it go' . Loved this post, and Happy New Year to you.

  19. Lovely and inspirational post. Pinned several quotes to my self improvement board. Thanks for being brave enough to share yourself and your thoughts. Sounds like this will be a good year for you ... enjoy and make it super-happy.

  20. What a beautiful post Tina! I'm so happy to have found you along the way. Much love and wishes for a wonderful year!


  21. I can completely relate! what timing you have. Thank you for this post, I needed the reassurance. :)
    hugs to you!

  22. I sincerely love this. I have people in my life who choose to remain unhappy. It's taken me a lot of years to finally stop trying to "help" them. We choose our own paths, sometimes the sh*t hits the fan, and how we move forward is what ultimately defines us. Happy new year, wise lady!


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