June 9, 2013

51 and Still Learning

Some people dread their 50's.
I am embracing them, for they are the "after" years from a very long and bumpy path.
That path sent me veering crazily off course from what I had planned for my 40's.
If I had known what was coming, would I have made different choices?

The answer is a definitive yes.

I would have listened to my intuition.

I would have silenced the influences in my life that were afraid of their own truth.

I would have been bolder.

I would have been braver.

I would have walked away sooner...
from so many things.

What did I learn?

Mental illness is an insidious disease.  Mentally unwell people are all around you.
In your families, in your workplace, in your neighborhood.
You marry into it, you acquire friends with it and you can't always identify it.
It's duplicitous nature is veiled and wrapped up in pretty paper -
and smelling like trust.
(ie: Sociopath)

There are some people who continuously look for conflict. 
Walk away from these people. 
The battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it’s with themselves.

You can't assume that accountability is something understood by all.

Caring for someone doesn't mean that you must engage 
in the chaos they create around themselves.

Most importantly:
You don’t drown by falling in the water. 
You drown by staying there.
So if any of you out there are feeling as if you're underwater-
Start kicking like hell and swim up.
Swim up.
It's so much easier to breathe when your life is in your hands again.
(Thank you, Ursula)

There are reminders every single day.
You just have to see them.

Go, June Bug, Go.


  1. i will be 50 in a few weeks, and hope i can get some clarity of direction. bless you for finding yours.

  2. My, oh, my. SOOO very well said. Been there and done that, and you just can't rationalize with or about a sociopath. Step away - fast and far. Your post reminds me of a scripture: Ephesians 6:12
    For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
    Glad you're in a better place now, with sociopath wildness behind you.

  3. I am hoping that your 50's are all that you wish for and that you have found clarity!!

  4. I just turned 50, and I do think it can be a time for clarity. I'm glad that you are in a better place now and recognize what you need and don't need. I think it's so ingrained in us in our culture to stick with people no matter what, even if it's to our harm. If someone is hurtful for us to be around, then we need to walk away and not look back.

  5. I'm 51 too and for the last couple years I've been letting go of things... It feels pretty good:@) Take care!

  6. Beautifully said. I had that same epiphany at age 37, after many years of trying to "fix" an alcoholic husband. At age 50, I finally met the love of my life and was blessed with the most stable and fulfilling relationship of my life.

    I'm glad you swam up.

  7. It's wonderful that you're finding more clarity in your 50s. I'm finding a certain confidence in my 50s that I hadn't felt as strongly before. All in all I'd have to say that the 50s are pretty okay! :-)

  8. "She walks in beauty and from her mouth spills wisdom" ....I made that up but you don't have to tell anyone that.

  9. Love your words!It is funny what we learn as we grow older. It keeps us closer to knowing what we actually want and don't want!

  10. Your post spoke to me. It's my birthday this week and I always get a little introspective at this time of year. Very well said ;)

  11. Wise words. Happy 50's.

  12. 5.1!! It's just a BETTER version!

    As you know, I'm 4.1 and feel better than I ever did in my 20's or 30's. You could not pay me enough $$ to be that stupid or unsure again and to endure all of the craptacular stuff I did.

    I LOVE everything about this post. It's a good reminder. I have people in my family that are toxic so I don't deal with them anymore. Because I DON'T want to drown. Likewise my hubby's family- there's no rule that says you have to deal with people who are basically demons because a piece of paper says you're suddenly related.

    I prefer making up my own rules. the best compliment I've ever received was this "Yeah..you REALLY march to the beat of your own drum.."

    I'm not sure it was meant as a compliment, but I ran with it!



  13. At age 62, I am still kicking up. Life is ever changing and it is definitely important to let go of people and things that are dragging you down to places you don't want to be. xo Laura

  14. First of all, I have to say that you look fantastic!! I'll be turning 46 next week, so the '5''0' isn't too far away...I'm still learning/dealing with all the things that you mentioned. It sounds like you've really got some clarity now. I look forward to that! :)

  15. Tina,
    good for you, wise and meaningful words! It took me a long time to learn that I don't need to be affected by other people's inner ugliness. Just wish I'd learned it sooner!

  16. Wise words girlfriend - LOVED this post - may this be your best year yet!
    Much love,

  17. Tina,
    Wow! This post resonates with my life! Sociopaths come in all shapes, they often times carry a good deal of power and they destroy.
    I really needed to hear this-today and I thank you for writing bravely, strongly, beautifully and powerfully.
    Wishing you a decade to celebrate!
    Sweet Hugs,

  18. Tina this is an awesome post and amen! Mental illness so sucks...and sucks and sucks the life right out of you if you let it. The toughest thing for me to learn about a few of the mentally ill people in my life was that i could not save them from themselves. You are such a wise woman. (and...the crafter in me sees a few signs coming with your words on them.)

  19. Here's to the great things to come in our 50's! I'm glad you left the bad times behind, Tina.

  20. Been through it with my ex-husband. Just glad I didn't hang on like a lot of people do. It wipes anyone out that deals with that personality!
    Happy for you! 51 and Fabulous you are!!!

  21. The wisdom of this post is not lost on me and in all seriousness, something I really needed to read right now. You make me look forward to 50! And I may just go blond!

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  23. Hi Tina! I am coming to you from the 'bloghop' tonight.
    I really liked your post! Keep learning too, it's the only way to live.

    I hope I can be as well adjusted as you!


  24. I totally agree and relate to your post...so well said!I am in my mid 50's and I have learned to try and look ahead and stick to my convictions. Others may not like it but it is what I have chosen for me and I have a peace about it. Enjoy being 51!!

  25. Forgot to tell you I am visiting from Bloglovin' Blog Hop and following you via Bloglovin'! I love your hair too...I am growing mine on top to do that sidesweep!

  26. Such a well written, thoughtful post Tina. I so enjoyed it. I'm at the end of my 50's, and I can tell you a well lived life is one in which we never stop learning. Sometimes learning means to let go of those things that undermine our peace of mind and move on to a brighter, happier tomorrow. It sounds like you've taken that step and I applaud your courage.

    Thank you for joining our blog hop yesterday! We are so happy to have you and I must say becoming acquainted with wonderful bloggers like you makes blogging so worth it!

  27. Tina...thanks, I really needed to read this tonight. I had some toxic people in my life and one today that I actually thought of reconnecting with for the sake of family. After reading this, I think I will put those feeling on hold and give it more time.
    Hugs to you, your friend in the south,

  28. This post brought tears to my eyes -- it really hit home. I deal with a difficult mental illness situation in my workplace on a daily basis, and it's one of the most draining experiences of my life. Thanks for the wise words and great perspective.

  29. wow...such a great post full of wisdom and hard things to read...I adore being 56! Go bunejug Go

  30. As you know, the grumpy old punk turned 51 - today in fact - and I actually have a couple years to go, but I'm bookmarking this to read again and again. It really resonated for me. Happy 50s T. Now, go get your free donuts at Dunkin'. ;) xoxo

  31. "There are some people who continuously look for conflict.
    Walk away from these people.
    The battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it’s with themselves."

    What great words and oh so true. Great post Tina!

  32. Dang, excellent post, Tina! I am a sociopath magnet...how do i de-magnetize myself? Fortunately, my socio-magnet was turned off when i met my hubby!

  33. Such an inspiring post! I'll almost 54 and aside from a few hot flashes ;) I am loving life. I tell my friends and patients to consider this your female goddess time. If we only then what we know now!


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